Episode 19
The Challenges of Working from Home: Strategies from a Busy Mother
Today's podcast looks at the challenge of juggling working from home with running a busy household. Alyssa gives us personal insights into how she balances her day home educating five children and running her own business helping other mothers to do the same.
Packed full of practical advice to support you to balance your home, this episode guides and supports you to fulfill everyone's needs - including your own!
With Alyssa Wolff - After having 5 kids in 10 years, Alyssa went looking for her next challenge and found online business. She is now a time back consultant for other work-from-home moms who want to love their work-from-home lives again. - Alyssa's Website
And your host -
Eleanor Marker - Therapist and life coach - eleanormarker.com
Transcript
Welcome to the Aprica Podcast because a little advice goes a long way.
Speaker A:Welcome to the Aprica Podcast, where we discuss a common challenge many of us face and give you a little piece of life advice to go away and to try out.
Speaker A:And today we're juggling, more specifically that difficult juggling act of being a mother with children at home whilst working or running a business from home.
Speaker A:And to guide us through this challenge is Alyssa Wolf.
Speaker A:Welcome to the podcast, Alyssa.
Speaker A:It's great to have you with us.
Speaker B:Thank you so much, Eleanor.
Speaker A:It's a challenge, isn't it, working from home when raising a family?
Speaker A:It's a challenge I know about because I'm doing it and it's good.
Speaker A:Got a unique atmosphere, hasn't it, when you're working from home and you've got children running around.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:People might think working from home, oh, it's so relaxing.
Speaker B:You can be at home with your own kitchen, your own food, your own bathroom breaks whenever you're a cup of tea.
Speaker B:But you add the kids to the mix.
Speaker B:Now you're playing the stay at home mother.
Speaker B:Plus you have work things to turn in.
Speaker A:What do you think are some of the most common challenges that you face as a mother?
Speaker A:Or, or I suppose the main caregiver when you're working from home?
Speaker B:I think the mom guild is one because you feel like, hey, I'm working the eight hours a day.
Speaker B:You know, if you're working from home for an employer, for example, is something that I'm on the hook for.
Speaker B:And yet those are the very same hours that my kids are awake and needing me the most.
Speaker B:And then it can just be simple things like time boundaries, noise boundaries.
Speaker B:Depending on the ages of your kids, you know, if they're younger than school age, I mean, noise is constant.
Speaker B:And that can really get in the way of either.
Speaker B:If you're on meetings, it's not professional.
Speaker B:Maybe you need to do deep, creative work.
Speaker B:Well, now that's ruined your entire headspace and your focus mode.
Speaker B:It's just tough.
Speaker B:And then the interruptions of, hey, mommy, I need something else.
Speaker B:Hey, mommy, when's the next snack again?
Speaker B:Mostly when they're younger.
Speaker A:And you're talking about that guilt when you have to say no or you have to impose boundaries.
Speaker A:So how do you get over that?
Speaker A:Because my children were homeschooled.
Speaker A:And in the homeschooling community, the general kind of ethos is, well, the child's needs come first and if they want to interrupt you, well, then your work environment probably needs to work around that.
Speaker A:But it's difficult, isn't it?
Speaker A:Because there are times, I mean, as a therapist, I cannot have my children coming in the room.
Speaker A:I just can't have that.
Speaker A:And so what about putting these boundaries in place?
Speaker A:How do you put boundaries in place without these feelings of guilt which we always get when we're saying no to our children?
Speaker B:Well, I started before I began online business and I said, I don't care.
Speaker B:Mommy needs downtime in the afternoon.
Speaker B:So I don't care if proper parenting is, you're on 247 with your kids.
Speaker B:I cannot emotionally, mentally, physically do that.
Speaker B:So while you are down sleeping as a baby for two or three hours, I will go recharge myself.
Speaker B:And it worked so well.
Speaker B:I just kept doing that.
Speaker B:And a lot of my children are introverts as well.
Speaker B:So it was like, well, then you get to have introvert break time every afternoon.
Speaker B:We're not going to be on.
Speaker B:We are not running to Parks at 3pm no play dates, no swimming, no whatever.
Speaker B:Everyone gets downtime.
Speaker B:And then I'm homeschooling as well.
Speaker B:And we are still homeschooling all five of the kids.
Speaker B:So, yes, I find that most homeschoolers, they like this slow morning start, and then they're homeschooling all the way into the afternoon.
Speaker B:That's prime time to them.
Speaker B:And I'm flipping that saying, no, there is no homeschooling going on in the afternoon.
Speaker B:If you, my child, chooses to work, that is fine.
Speaker B:But I am not teaching you.
Speaker B:I am not grading your stuff.
Speaker B:I am not tutoring your stuff.
Speaker B:This is the downtime.
Speaker B:I need to show up again as soon as quiet time is over, before supper and get right back on whatever house stuff or cooking or cleaning or supervising you learning how to do the cooking and cleaning or any client check inside.
Speaker B:Because I cannot go 12 hours a day sitting up to sundown.
Speaker B:I'm not a guy.
Speaker B:I need that break.
Speaker A:So you established a kind of rhythm to your days based on your need for downtime, and then that downtime became time that you could spend on your business.
Speaker B:Correct.
Speaker B:And then I also added business time before the children got up, because I only started the business when the youngest was seven months old.
Speaker B:So she had an established sleep pattern.
Speaker B:She wasn't waking up quite so many times during the night.
Speaker B:So I could say, yes, I can put in 90 minutes in the morning, plus take afternoon nap time, and then, hey, that's three to five hours a day.
Speaker B:That is more than enough to build a business with.
Speaker A:What about pushbacks from your children?
Speaker A:Because in my experience, you can get these beautiful rhythms to the day and they can go on for years really nicely.
Speaker A:And then every now and then, out of the blue, you'll just get a lot of pushback and be like, no, I want to do this, or I want to change this kind of rhythm.
Speaker A:And you've got into a lovely rhythm and.
Speaker A:And then your child suddenly hits an age and suddenly doesn't like that rhythm anymore.
Speaker B:We've gotten the pushback not so much from the child themselves as the needs of the family or the school changing.
Speaker B:So I had this lovely rhythm and all of a sudden my daughter needs to take courses at the local university.
Speaker B:Now I'm on the hook for driving her there.
Speaker B:What did that do to my workday?
Speaker B:Well, understandably, she wants to work in the morning, not the afternoon, because that's downtime to her brain.
Speaker B:But that was my work time as well, so things like that.
Speaker B:So we have been fortunate.
Speaker B:It's not so much been a kid.
Speaker B:That's saying, I refuse to go along with this anymore, is external pressures and circumstances that I would have had to deal with regardless.
Speaker A:What do you do when it comes to balancing your needs compared to their needs?
Speaker A:I've actually done a podcast on this with Angie Grant about our needs and their needs.
Speaker A:But what would you say about that balance?
Speaker A:Because it's difficult, isn't it?
Speaker A:I think guilt comes in there as well, doesn't it, when we're putting our needs sort of quite centre stage.
Speaker B:I guess for me it was understanding that not everyone parents the same way.
Speaker B:So, like, my husband might be good to go through supper time and then he's shocked.
Speaker B:I am good to go till nap time and then I'm shot.
Speaker B:But if I get that break right, then, you know, multiple hours earlier, then I can keep going through the entire evening until the kids go to bed.
Speaker B:So to me, it was less about my needs versus their needs and more of a, well, given that I am the mother I am, how can I show up sufficiently energized to meet all of their needs?
Speaker B:And how can I help them if what they need isn't something I can quite meet at the time?
Speaker B:I've got five kids.
Speaker B:Can you go play with one of your siblings right now?
Speaker B:You need attention.
Speaker B:But I don't have the reserves.
Speaker B:You just want someone to play Monopoly with you.
Speaker B:One of your siblings would probably be more than happy to sit down for a game, right?
Speaker B:It's finding some of those more unique ways to go about it.
Speaker B:Or perhaps my husband still has the Energy.
Speaker B:I'm shot.
Speaker B:I'm like, okay, I need to go for a walk, listen to some podcasts.
Speaker B:The kids are milling around.
Speaker B:They would like to do something with someone.
Speaker B:You could read some books to them, like, oh, sure, yeah, I feel like I should spend time with the kids.
Speaker B:I still have energy.
Speaker B:Okay, great.
Speaker B:Like it does not always have to be me, the mother, but it does need to be someone, maybe in the family.
Speaker A:What about people listening who don't have that support in place?
Speaker A:How would you recommend they reserve their energy and kind of rebuild their energy through the day in those ways that you mentioned there?
Speaker B:Whatever works best for you personally, to energize and take breaks.
Speaker B:So me, yes, I like podcasts.
Speaker B:I like reading fiction books.
Speaker B:That doesn't necessarily mean that's what's going to work for you, but you probably already have an idea of what really lights you up.
Speaker B:So go do that.
Speaker B:Maybe you need to do have a little easel set up on a counter somewhere because painting is really your thing.
Speaker B:Maybe it's crochet and just kind of sitting down with a soft yarn, just kind of mindlessly putting something together.
Speaker B:Whatever it is, find the times during the day that you can most easily slip that in with your family's schedule and that are in time to prevent you from hitting that one straw too many and going to start snapping at everyone.
Speaker B:Burnout.
Speaker A:And that is really a real risk, isn't it, that if you don't manage your own energy levels, you'll get to that for four, five o' clock time in the afternoon and tempers start fraying, yours and theirs.
Speaker A:So what you're suggesting is you kind of maintain your energy through the day with this periodic self care?
Speaker B:Because wouldn't it be better for your kids to not have you taking their questions or something for an hour earlier in the day than to have you doing that until 5 o' clock and then explode on them?
Speaker B:Isn't it more harmful to them?
Speaker B:Nephew yelling that's the way I see it.
Speaker B:It's not a I am not meeting their needs.
Speaker B:It's no, I am avoiding putting this psychological trauma on them because I did not take care of myself well enough to keep balanced.
Speaker A:Plus, obviously, as a parent, modeling self care is a great thing for your child to see as well, because it means that they see that you are maintaining your energy and you're maintaining your mood by looking after yourself.
Speaker A:And so what about running a business, running a household, and then running self care if you like, because these are with my experience of working with women in similar situations, the self care tends to come right at the bottom.
Speaker A:You have the children and work, very level pegging.
Speaker A:Then you have self care, which gets relegated to if I ever get a minute, I will do that.
Speaker A:So what would you recommend when it comes to balancing work and children and self care?
Speaker B:I had a slightly different way to start it because I started with children and self care and the business came later.
Speaker B:So for me, business became work, just like taking care of your kids was work.
Speaker B:All I needed to do was subtract some of my housework or homeschooling hours and put business stuff in them and then also subtract some of my self care.
Speaker B:At that point, I was bored.
Speaker B:I had like five hours a day.
Speaker B:I thought that was completely excessive.
Speaker B:So I took half of those out and added them to the work and business pile.
Speaker B:And since My oldest was 10 at the time, I had plenty of room, I could delegate some of the housekeeping to the kids.
Speaker B:So it was not like I was trying to do every single meal, every single bathroom cleaning chore, and every single thing for the homeschooling and every single thing for the business.
Speaker B:Like, no, truly, you cannot do it all.
Speaker B:So depending on what your resources your kid stages, your ages are, if they're school age enough, absolutely, you can stop doing some of the work.
Speaker A:You see, that's really interesting because I think that there's quite a cultural difference between the UK and Europe and America when it comes to children doing chores.
Speaker A:Because I know that in America it's much more normalized that children do chores around the house from a very early age, or at least it's a more standard thing.
Speaker A:Whereas in the UK and Europe it never feels like that's really a normalized thing yet.
Speaker A:But I'm guessing that what you might recommend there is to get your children used to helping out.
Speaker A:Right, so taking some of this load.
Speaker B:Yes, that's really interesting on the cultural differences, as I wasn't aware of that.
Speaker B:I think in America it's very common for mothers to say they want their kids to do some chores.
Speaker B:But by some chores, they might mean something like make your bed and bring your dishes to the dishwasher so that I don't have to do all of that for you.
Speaker B:They don't actually mean taking chores off the mum's plate.
Speaker B:And counterculturally, even for America, the way I am viewing it as is, if you want your child to go off to university and know how to cook or clean and take care of their own laundry, wouldn't it be easier to start when they're young enough that they think this is interesting.
Speaker B:Instead of starting as a teenager and suddenly dumping a whole load of things on them that they don't want to do, aren't used to doing, they don't think they should even have to do.
Speaker B:And now you've got that conflict in the parent child relationship.
Speaker B:So if it becomes a win win of the life skills they will need with less parental friction and frees you up to have some time for the business.
Speaker B:I don't care how countercultural this is.
Speaker B:Like that's how they all lived hundreds of years ago.
Speaker B:The children did a lot of the family's work as well.
Speaker A:I'd like to pause the podcast for a moment to thank you for listening.
Speaker A:I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker A:So please send me a comment under this podcast or on our Instagram channel Aprica Podcast, like subscribe, download and share with family and friends.
Speaker A:And thank you for taking the time to listen to the show.
Speaker A:You mentioned there about conflict.
Speaker A:Do you think that if you work from home and you're raising your children, do you think this is a controversial question?
Speaker A:I know I'm putting you on the line because it's very binary, right?
Speaker A:But do you think that you're more likely to have conflict with your children or less likely to have conflict with your children?
Speaker A:Or do you think it makes no difference whether you're working from home or not?
Speaker B:I don't think it makes a difference.
Speaker B:I think it's based on the relationship pre existing one that you have with your children, your parenting style, because you're.
Speaker A:At home with them a lot.
Speaker A:And I know when I was, when I was home educating, the most common response I got from people was oh my God, don't you get sick of each other?
Speaker A:Like, don't you, don't you get, don't you get all.
Speaker A:Get sort of really annoyed with each other?
Speaker A:And I always said, well actually the more time we spend with each other, I think we get on better actually.
Speaker A:But I don't know if that's, if that's your experience as well.
Speaker B:I would say so, yes.
Speaker B:Like I have teenagers, they're almost to the level of friends.
Speaker B:Yes, sometimes I have to step in and correct and guide, but we get along wonderfully.
Speaker B:And then same for my pre teens.
Speaker B:And yes, but I think that's due to the parenting relationship as opposed to me working from home.
Speaker B:But yes, absolutely, the working from home just gives me even more time to be around them instead of hi, you're off on the school bus And I'll see you in six hours or whatever.
Speaker A:On a slight aside, do you think that your children seeing you working from home is making them more likely to be kind of entrepreneurs or to work from home themselves?
Speaker B:Yes, actually.
Speaker B:And I didn't expect that, though maybe I should have.
Speaker B:My oldest has already said she.
Speaker B:Well, in fact, she's already taking on the business courses herself in high school because she wants to do this, this.
Speaker B:And now that she sees she doesn't have to pick just one path for a career, she can have the career and she could have a side hustle or become an author and have an Etsy shop or maybe multiple things that has really opened up doors for her because she's multi passionate.
Speaker B:To not feel so boxed in of what is my major at university, I have to be prepared to only do that thing for the rest of my life.
Speaker B:And she's going, but I like all these different things.
Speaker B:I don't want to give up something.
Speaker A:I think there is a lovely flexibility, isn't there, with working from home and being able to do these multiple routes.
Speaker A:I know that a lot of the women that I know who work from home, they do have two or three strings to their bow that they do as businesses.
Speaker A:We've talked a lot about the positives of working from home and there are a lot of positives of working from home.
Speaker A:But what about those days when you're just really lacking motivation and yet you've got work to do, you've got the children to deal with and of course you need to care for yourself and you need to look after to the house.
Speaker A:How do you motivate yourself through those days?
Speaker B:I like to take the backwards approach and not so much motivate myself as say, what can come off today's plate that does not have to be done today.
Speaker B:Maybe it has to be done in two days, but it wasn't today.
Speaker B:Or maybe it was actually an essential as one of those cultural shoulds.
Speaker B:Like, would it be really so terrible if everyone had leftovers for supper instead of me cooking something new?
Speaker B:All right, maybe I will do that there.
Speaker B:I got rid of the housework.
Speaker B:I got rid of the thing I was mentally dreading.
Speaker B:Maybe I can ask one of the kids to throw in a side of bread in the bread machine so that the leftovers for supper had a little bit of something extra.
Speaker B:I wasn't the one doing that again.
Speaker B:Then maybe you still enjoy your client work.
Speaker B:Okay, great.
Speaker B:You could say, okay, kids, go play in the backyard, turn on sprinklers or something.
Speaker B:Whatever is with or appropriate.
Speaker B:And you get some time to work with the clients, you come back, you feed them something super fast or you say, hey, today you get to have cereal for lunch as well.
Speaker B:You know, this is shortcut day essentially.
Speaker B:And then you go give yourself the self care.
Speaker B:Like when you are not motivated, the thing you do not skimp on is a self care because somehow your energy batteries are low.
Speaker B:You don't normally have the problem with that.
Speaker B:So do something extra, get yourself filled up again and then enjoy knowing that supper you already decided, it's leftovers and the kids making something.
Speaker B:You're not doing that.
Speaker B:Get the good night's sleep and see if things are better the next day.
Speaker B:And if they're not, maybe you need the four day weekend.
Speaker B:It's okay, just rearrange as long as you're taking care of like the priority things for your clients.
Speaker B:And you know, the absolute essentials of this bill had to get paid today, or this thing, paperwork thing had to be turned in and signed and mailed.
Speaker B:Okay, great.
Speaker B:Then cleaning the house, reorganizing the closet.
Speaker B:Maybe you should get it done this season.
Speaker B:But that's kind of squishy.
Speaker B:That's like this month, you know, and you don't need to do it now.
Speaker A:So you're saying on those days when you're feeling a little low in motivation and you're feeling maybe a little overwhelmed, you're saying to do the essentials that you need to do and then prioritize self care.
Speaker A:And now that's interesting because I think a lot of people wouldn't necessarily prioritize self care there, but I think it's very key.
Speaker A:So you're saying do the essentials, prioritize self care.
Speaker A:And then if you're feeling the same the next day, and maybe the next day something maybe more fundamental needs to change with your routine.
Speaker B:Correct.
Speaker A:Okay, so when we think about routine and schedules and rhythm of the days, do you think it's important to have a routine when you're working from home so that everybody knows what they're doing when, so that the children know, okay, this is when you have to be quiet, or this is when you're watching tv or this is when mummy's doing her work or whatever it is, do you think that that's important or do you think it's better to be able to go with the flow and think, oh, I've got half an hour now, now I can grab some time and do some work.
Speaker A:Which, which approach works for you?
Speaker B:The routines one.
Speaker B:But I'M guessing that may be a person by person personality thing because it would stress me out to be having to evaluate in half hour chunks can I get something done or not.
Speaker B:But I'm guessing there are some personalities who would just love to work that way and having a rigid schedule, they would feel extremely constricted.
Speaker B:So take that with a grain of salt.
Speaker B:I can't imagine running my day without my kids knowing approximately when they cannot disturb me and when they can.
Speaker B:But that's probably not universal advice.
Speaker A:I mean, I'm very much a routine person, but I found that when my children hit their teens that it didn't feel quite so natural then to have, okay, this is what's happening then, this is what's happening then.
Speaker A:Because I wanted to kind of respect their autonomy.
Speaker A:And then I think that was quite a difficult period for me because I had got used to this rhythm of the days.
Speaker A:They were then sleeping in more and just sort of bumming around like teenagers do.
Speaker A:And I still wanted to be in this routine because it had become a very important, comfortable thing for me.
Speaker A:So would you say that there are times in a child's life when it's harder to be at home working from home, or maybe a different approach is needed?
Speaker B:I think if you only have young kids, it's going to be harder on you because you are on the hook for all of the childcare, all of the cooking, all of the cleaning and all of the work.
Speaker B:So it takes a lot of creativity and stripping down to the bare essentials and things like that.
Speaker B:And then, yes, as they get older, can you do flex times?
Speaker B:It can be, yes.
Speaker B:This is the family lunchtime and I've asked you to maybe wash the dishes for instead of me doing it.
Speaker B:But that's different than when you have the teenagers who say, but mom, that's not what I want to eat lunch.
Speaker B:And you have to be okay with, well, fine.
Speaker B:Going to be hearing people clinking around in the kitchen for three hours, you know, instead of one hour.
Speaker B:And as you said, respecting their autonomy.
Speaker B:But on the flip side, that's kind of a beautiful part of the life is letting them see when they make the choices.
Speaker B:When do they want to get up?
Speaker B:Oh, I took my hand off brain, so to speak.
Speaker B:They did get themselves breakfast.
Speaker B:It just wasn't when I picked for them when I scheduled it for so many years.
Speaker B:They did feed themselves lunch or it was a super late snack and that counted like they are meeting their own needs.
Speaker B:Everything is getting, getting done.
Speaker B:I just have to quit micromanaging Them like their schedule is almost not my responsibility anymore, unless it's something that I need to do, like I need to drive them to this, I need to proctor a test, something like that.
Speaker A:And I think that is when resentment can come in, can't it?
Speaker A:When they are changing their routine, but you're still adapting yourself to their routine when it changes.
Speaker A:And so you then feel that you're being put out a lot.
Speaker A:So I'm guessing what you're saying there is that if they're going to start exercising more autonomy and choosing what they want to do, when they have to kind of take ownership of that and you don't necessarily have to flex yourself to fit in with it, unless obviously, like you say, you have to get them to a class or something.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I mean, it's real life negotiation.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You can still say, I'm sorry, you do not get to use the exercise machine in my bedroom at 10pm at night because I've been in bed for half an hour.
Speaker B:An hour.
Speaker B:But beyond those boundaries, yes, you may be in there whenever I want using it.
Speaker B:They can't do things in their routine that are going to wreck your routine.
Speaker B:So you need to know which parts are.
Speaker B:Well, I don't really care which room I'm working in when I'm working from home versus I have a client call.
Speaker B:I cannot be in any other room than this one because this is the one with all the camera and lighting setup optimized.
Speaker B:So no, you may not be in here working on your art or whatever it is, or if you're in the living room for this, you may not be in the adjoining kitchen because you're going to make noise.
Speaker B:So you still get to keep your non negotiables.
Speaker B:You still get to inform them you're the parent, even if they're teenagers, even if they're the proto adults.
Speaker B:You can tell them we cannot flex on this all over here.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Feel free.
Speaker B:You pick.
Speaker A:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker A:Do you think that there's a danger that when you're working from home and you've got children that you're looking after, that you will feel that you're shortchanging everybody, that you're shortchanging them and you're shortchanging that your job that you're almost like because you're split between two, that nobody's getting 100% of you?
Speaker A:Do you think that that's a risk that you might think that in your head?
Speaker B:Definitely, yes.
Speaker B:Now what I usually suggest to my clients for that is how many hours a day do you actually need for your job.
Speaker B:Is there a way we can optimize this?
Speaker B:Do some automation, get another team member, something that you don't feel like you need to be spending eight hours a day in the job.
Speaker B:Like, would it feel manageable if it was five hours a day?
Speaker B:Would you feel like you had enough time for your children then?
Speaker B:Do you feel like in this season you needed to be three and a half hours a day?
Speaker B:Okay, like what can we strip out?
Speaker B:Because yes, if you sit there and I need to work eight to nine hours a day and take care of my kids or home educate them, you will not have enough time.
Speaker B:But if we look at what do your clients actually need from you, how many hours on calls, how many hours on the check ins, how many hours creating their deliverables, Whatever it is, I'm going to bet it's not everything you're thinking of.
Speaker B:So if we can strip out some stuff, you're just becoming a more efficient worker.
Speaker B:So like it's win, win.
Speaker B:You still have the time for the kids and the self care and you're still needing everything you need to for the business, but you are working smarter, not harder.
Speaker B:Yes, I know it's a cliche, but it is really helpful when you are a mom who's working from home.
Speaker A:I think that it's really true because I think there are periods when we necessarily have to spend quite a lot of time with the children when they're babies, when they're very young.
Speaker A:And it can feel quite frustrating.
Speaker A:When you have a business and you really want to devote a lot of hours to it, especially if it's a reasonably young business and you're really keen to get it going and you really maybe want to earn some money.
Speaker A:But I always say to clients that I work with, there will be a period coming up where you will have lots more time that you can then dedicate to your work.
Speaker A:And it flexes and it flows with the needs of the household as well.
Speaker A:And you have to flex and flow.
Speaker A:Your household has to flex and flow as do your work needs and your business as well.
Speaker A:Okay, so for anyone listening who is working from home, as they listen to this, they've got their children at home.
Speaker A:What would be the one biggest piece of advice you would give to them?
Speaker B:Fix your frustrations.
Speaker B:So maybe it's a working client called frustration.
Speaker B:If your kids keep tapping in the door and you're not quite done yet, because you like to give your clients a, you know, three to five minute margin at the end of the sessions instead of just like chop off the zoom call, then we need to deal with that instead of just saying, oh, I should be more mature, I should have somehow trained the kids better.
Speaker B:What is wrong with them?
Speaker B:And letting yourself get to that frustration point every day.
Speaker B:No, that's the thing you need to fix.
Speaker B:You will enjoy your workday so much more if you're not constantly having that half an ear out for when they're going to come turning the door handle barging in when you can't have that.
Speaker B:Maybe it's something about your supper routine.
Speaker B:You feel like you're doing every single thing.
Speaker B:You are getting very resentful, you want some help.
Speaker B:Or the type of meals your kids are wanting are just too much stress right now.
Speaker B:Or the amount of variety that your husband wants you to cook.
Speaker B:I don't know, something fix that and you'll be a much happier housewife for that section.
Speaker B:So don't go by somebody's, you know, 10 best steps for productivity or whatever you work from home.
Speaker B:Mother needs to know.
Speaker B:Go by your personal pain points and just knock out the top few of those.
Speaker A:So when you say fix your frustrations, do you mean change the environment as such that those frustrations no longer exist so they're not knocking on your door, or do you mean where you're nodding so I'm guessing yes, or do you mean that you kind of internally in your mind shift, make a kind of mindset shift so that it doesn't bother you anymore?
Speaker A:You were nodding the first one.
Speaker B:I'm guessing you mean yes.
Speaker B:I prefer practical action because there's almost always something you can do that might be very out of the box.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:If all else fails, do the mindset shift.
Speaker B:But I don't want you to do that first as if you're the problem for feeling that way.
Speaker A:Do you know, I really get that impression from listening to you that firstly, very practical advice, which we love on Aprica, so thank you very much for that.
Speaker A:But secondly, you're very kind of putting the mother center stage, aren't you?
Speaker A:The self care your needs, your boundaries.
Speaker A:Fix the things that are triggering you rather than fixing your mindset so they no longer trigger you.
Speaker A:It feels very empowering.
Speaker A:It feels very much like you're putting the mother right at the in the middle of her picture.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Because if you're working from home, you're taking care of everyone else, you're taking care of your clients.
Speaker B:So who's taking care of you?
Speaker A:What would you say when it comes to taking care of yourself?
Speaker A:What would you say, is the main thing that you notice people not doing when it comes to self care that you think we should do.
Speaker B:It's almost like pre self care.
Speaker B:Like there's the hobby.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker B:You maybe want to paint or read a book.
Speaker B:What do you need to do to turn your brain off so that you can fully get into the hobby?
Speaker B:There's client stresses.
Speaker B:Maybe you're wondering what you should turn out for your next piece of content.
Speaker B:What were the kids doing that day?
Speaker B:You've got all kinds of mental junk and worries going on.
Speaker B:You can't just head off to painting with all that churning in your brain.
Speaker B:You almost need this pre time where either it's, you know, a meditation, you're journaling, you're talking to someone, you need to get that all out so that you're kind of empty.
Speaker B:And then you go do the hobby that rejuvenates you and then you're energized again.
Speaker A:Oh, that's good advice.
Speaker A:So you don't take your stresses into the hobby.
Speaker A:You almost cleared the decks and then you go in to do your painting or your crochet.
Speaker B:And so it'll take you a lot longer on the hobby if you don't clear the decks.
Speaker A:That's true.
Speaker A:And you, you mentioned there painting and crochet and things like that.
Speaker A:Would you recommend creative things as an outlet?
Speaker B:Definitely, if you're the sort of person who likes it.
Speaker B:I don't do much with my hands.
Speaker B:That's not who I am.
Speaker B:I've got kids who that's like all they do.
Speaker B:So you do it based on you.
Speaker B:I love learning, I love input.
Speaker B:So that's why podcasts and books are my favorite form.
Speaker B:But yes, if you're a creative, absolutely.
Speaker B:Go to town.
Speaker A:Perfect.
Speaker A:And I'm guessing as well that most people who are running a business and working from home, there will be elements of their job that they also find really fun and really rewarding and replenishing.
Speaker A:And maybe they are the things to schedule in in those moments when you want to just kind of decompress a little bit.
Speaker B:Yes, because I will use that.
Speaker B:I want to learn.
Speaker B:I need to learn more things from business strategy or business mindset tactics.
Speaker B:I will turn on a business podcast.
Speaker B:I will find that relaxing as part of the downslope.
Speaker B:And then after that, then maybe I could do a little bit of journaling on, get all the business stuff out of the brain and then I can go do the hobby.
Speaker B:But I'm not making it business, business, business, business 247 at the same time.
Speaker B:I'm not saying, oh, I can never listen to anything leisure time that's business related because it is going to be fun for me.
Speaker A:I think what's so important there is that what you described there is my idea of absolute hell and I would hate it and it would really stress me out.
Speaker A:And so this is the uniqueness of everybody.
Speaker A:For me, it would have to be a walk outside, put some music on and then do some crochet.
Speaker A:And for you, it'd be a business podcast and sort of winding down in that way.
Speaker A:And I think we all know the things that wind us down and the things that decompress us.
Speaker A:And it sounds like what you're suggesting is that we just make sure we prioritise those things and use it as a little buffer time before we then go on to do something that further relaxes us and feels like a really nourishing form of self care.
Speaker A:Well, Alyssa, you mentioned clients, so I'm guessing that you also work with people to help them with this.
Speaker A:So do you want to let our listeners know a little bit about what you offer?
Speaker A:And also all of Alyssa's links will be down in the show notes, so anybody who wants to find you can find you that way.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker B:So I would take your time back, coach.
Speaker B:So if you're working from home and you feel like this is a constant juggle, a struggle to take care of the kids, deal with the house, manage your clients, you're not really getting the self care.
Speaker B:That's what I'm here to help you do.
Speaker B:And I believe it's part of our links.
Speaker B:But if you want to clear your plate of too much is going on, I have an exclusive audio feed for you.
Speaker B:It's going to help you banish the pressure from your to do list as a working mother, because I need you to be able to turn down the pressure valve in your time management.
Speaker B:And you're not going to be able to do that by just me telling you it'd be a good thing.
Speaker B:Like, you know, it's a good thing to do.
Speaker B:You actually have to get stuff off your plate so that your nervous system feels able to release that pressure.
Speaker B:Because there is no need to flirt with burnout to hold both the high achiever, the working mother and the present mom identities.
Speaker B:So this is an instant access audio feed called Time Back Secrets for Work at Home Moms.
Speaker A:And where can our listeners find that audio if they wanted to find it?
Speaker B:You can go to YourUnbusyLife.com and the site is going to have that also I think we'll have an actual link in the show notes.
Speaker B:It's one of those, you know, links with all the gobbledygook, so I couldn't say it even if I wanted to, but that's there.
Speaker B:Also you could go to the Unvusy mom podcast and look in the show notes for that one.
Speaker A:That's wonderful.
Speaker A:Okay, so I will certainly endeavor to put that link in the show notes.
Speaker A:And if anyone's listening, if the link is in the show notes, do feel free to send.
Speaker A:Put a comment under the podcast and let me know that it's working so that I'm not worried about the tech stuff.
Speaker A:So, Alyssa, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today.
Speaker A:Packed full of practical advice.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker B:Thank you, Eleanor.
Speaker A:Gosh, are you really good at putting the practical advice in?
Speaker B:Oh, it's gonna be fun packing.
